I've GOT to be determine

I was just reading my older post. And..OH my Goodness...I am a story teller! ahhaha

This would probably be the year which I have the least post since this site started.And my oh my... I can't believe how much I could tell. All those must have just came out spontaneously from my mind. I will never write anything long if I ever planned it. well.. Not that a short post means I have actually thought about it/...but it doesn't require much thinking. hahaha..** if this make sense**


Anyway...I was looking into one of my regular blog sites. * I have some cooking/baking blogs bookmarked** and I truly admire this malaysian lady who lives in Melbourne, not only for her cooking skills and knowledge, but for her determination and ability to loose almost 40kg and look absolutely fabulous now. Wow...!! Well..I really don't have 40kg to loose but loosing a couple ...like maybe 5kg would really be nice. Hahaha. Unfortunately I seem to fail most of the time. Not that I end up eating a lot, but mostly because I gave up my physical activity. I used to go for my regular jogs in Renmark. But depending on the weather I usually will choose to stay in, as the wind there is really strong and it wasn't pleasant to jog. My stamina on the other hand, isn't very impressive either.

I haven't been exercising very much in the pass 6 months since I moved here, mainly because this isn't a really nice place to go for jogs and... I have been busy working as well. But this sedentary lifestyle is really getting into me. So, I decided to join the gym. It felt like I had to start from the bottom as I could not have much resistance on the machine at all. I looked at the resistant level of the person next to me, and she's at 11 while I'm 3.... She's running at the speed of 11 and i'm...6. SHITZZ!! the next day I went to work with my limbs hurting all over.

Whatever it is... i have decided to cut down on carbs. This hasn't stop me from my passion though. hehee.. I HAVE to blog about this. I made a chocolate stout cake (chocolate cake with chocolate stout) and lasagna for my darling today. Oh...he loved the cake as I made 3 layers of ganache in it. Made the cake really rich and moist. There's 1 cup of stout in the cake. Its quite a fair bit of alcohol in the cake you see. I tried a bit of the cake before filling the ganache and it kinda gave me a headache. My close friends will know... alcohol and me..is a NO NO...Gosh**!!

Anyways.... its time for bed now. My 2 days break is over and i'm starting at 8 tomorrow. NITESSSS

Oh...!! Finallyy!!! Tonight's dinner was acceptable. The past whole week, dinner was practically just eating-to-survive. So, I decided to look into a few recipes and decided to make a HAKKA MEE look alike noodle. And yes.! it was good.

A number of things I NEED OR.. HAVE TO DO in the next 6 months

1. Get my HMR accreditation
2. Work hard and earn my own pharmacy or.. get into a different specialty in pharmacy.
3. Be daring and take more risk in baking and cooking. Of course, it must be measured risks


Lastly, I am not sure to add this in or not, as I am always gaining and not loosing every year.

4. To loose at least 5 kg!

Alright alright, this is definitely the shortest to-do list ever.

Let's see how many will get a tick by the next 6 months.

6 months in Brissy

Where should I start? 6 months before, I was anxious, excited, and had all sorts of mixed feelings inside me, wondering how 6 months later would be like? Here I am. I have been through so much in this 6 months. I don't know where to start.

I had learned and experienced so much in my first 3 months of work. It was indeed a VERY difficult time to get pass. BUT I managed to get through and fight my way. It wasn't easy, but i now know how things would turn out if I am not in control. I now know, how this society works. (Well, not entirely yet though.) The society wasn't as easy and as beautiful as I thought it was. The pharmacy I worked in, was NOT the ideal pharmacy for any pharmacist I dare say. It would infact be every pharmacist's nightmare. It is all hardwork, mental and physical torture. Alright, I exaggerated a lil. But, my point is, it was NEVER a good place for ANYONE to work at all. If i go into the details, i would be publishing a BOOK for it. .

Now, I find myself in 4 different pharmacies every week. I have been working like this for the pass 6 weeks. I call this a massive advantage and adventure for me. So much to learn and explore out there. Each pharmacy has its way of management and I walk in to be the pharmacist of the day. I care for the patients that walk in for the day and I walk out leaving notes and messages for tomorrow's pharmacist. I find it a challenge for me everyday as the working environment differs each day. This is working out of my comfort zone!!! A discovery within myself. hmm...I honestly can't find that one word to describe my joy in the work i do now.

Moving up here, I discovered my passion for baking and am doing things i never used to lay eyes on. I just had to do something every week. There will always be somehting in the oven cooking, savory or sweet.Tim would probably be updated on that every week. haha.

Last year , i used to picture myself surrounded by sky scrappers as I am driving home from Barmera to Renmark. It would be pitch dark outside. No cars in front guiding me on the road and none behind me too. Now, as I am on story bridge, over looking at the beautifully lite brissy buildings, I do occasionally think about those times in renmark and how scared I was driving on the roads of riverlands, and not being able to see what's outside my window at night.

My 6 months here had flew by really quickly. I miss my family every second and do still crave to chat with my beloved friends in Adelaide. Life has brought me here and there was just too many ups and downs in such a short time. My loved ones and my beloved friends .. I am just so grateful to have them. They had pulled me out of my black hole and talked me out of misery. It is amazing how lucky I am to have them. Although i know most of them are my own doings and my own decisions. Still, without have them i would probably be still stuck, not knowing what's right.

Love them all from deep within....xxxx

Easy to say not so easy to do

12 a.m

It is now, bed time. A moment ago, M was asking me if this is it. Am I closing all doors to other options. I don't know. I guess M and everyone else is worried that I have not been through enough Gs to lock up the doors. I kept telling myself...This certainly is not the end yet.. not till the day i have the shiny bit on my finger. But how easy it is to say and so hard to be done and will there even be a chance for me to unlock the 'appeared close doors'. None of this make sense

Memories

Been almost 5 months since i last updated this site...

The last post was about how work sucks. Clearly, I don't have many complains since. That ONE whole week on my own was not only a great experience for me, I learnt a whole lot and definately made me stronger. I have had my bad days at work since,I still whine and complain about it BUT...i don't keep them at heart. I learn from the bad days and enjoy my good days. And trust me...my good days...are not only plain ordinary good, they are good in a Satisfying way!

So, I have been trying to make myself exercise since the weather got warmer. There are not many beautiful days in the Riverlands. In this region, we get the extreme weather. Being in the desert, we get the extreme cold and hot, the strong wind, and no rain. There will be one or two days which the weather calm and nice. Everyone has their own version of nice and beautiful days. Some say, a sunny day with 20 Degrees and cold wind is beutiful. *that's still a lil cold for me at 20 deg*. My beautiful day is...25-26 degrees.


So, I made myself go for a jog by the river after work today. With day light saving, the sun only sets at about 7.30ish. It happened to be MY BEAUTIFUL DAY. I sat by the river and enjoy the soft breeze as I hear the ducks quacking and people water skiing in the river. I see people walking their pretty dogs. There are also people enjoying this beautiful day like myself, but in the club holding a glass of beer. So, there I was trying to get a pictorial memory of the scene by the river... hoping I will remember it forever.

I remember 2 years ago, I loved going for jogs by River Torrens. At sun down when there's less people around and more black swans, Its very calm and peaceful there. I kept saying that the city is where I belong. That is very true. I cannot live in silence for long. Boredom comes into me too easily. I need excitement and people around me. I longed to move to the city again. But I will never encounter nature's beauty anymore....Well, I might..but not as close as 1 minute walk from my home. Or 20 minutes tram to the beach *Glenelg*.

Everytime, when my patients starts on a new medication, mainly antipyschotics as a result of alzheimers, I get a lil upset*wishing this will never happen to myself* Behavioural disturbances occurs secondary to Alzheimers disease. I wish I will never have Alzheimers. A pictorial memory of everything I see is what I want to keep. Cameras are not reliable.

Work sucks

Finally~! The week is coming to an end.. 3 more hours tomorrow.. then 1 day break. For the very first time, i look forward to that break. This week was not good at all for me. I was left alone to handle the pharmacy while my 2 bosses is at some tropical island enjoying their Malibu. I certainly did not have a good time at work especially with the customers.

My bosses has been 'pampering' thier customers so much that I am obliged to do the same when they aren't around. Regardless of how ridiculous it is, there is no reason what so ever to refuse customer's request. I refused Mrs. M's request for RX owing with good reasons. Provided suffecient advice to it too. She started yelling on top of her voice and scolding me for not doing her the favour when the bosses aren't around...etc etc and that my reasons for refusal wasn't good enough. I was being condemned in front of all my other customers *(waiting for thier Rx)* that my professional judegment was bad. As a pharmacist in charge, I had no reason to let her walk over me. I don't!! Plus my reasons was 100% valid! I wished i could be rude to her as she was to me but i CAN"T!!!

why can't I??

Bcoz Barmera is a super small town. Be coz my Pharmacy is the only pharmacy there. Becoz she lives in the town and ppl in the town demands what they want and gets it! Becoz my bosses have been living and running their busniess there for 23 years and i can't ruin it in 1 week!

Damn Mrs. M.

After all the yelling for god knows how long, i had to put a smiling face to everyone else who was waiting for thier Rx to be checked by me while I was being scolded. I had to smile and keep a straight mind on it and concentrate as well!

Everything else went wrong after that. there were other things which went wrong and its just too much to talk about. I hated Mrs. M. OLd bitch with no brains.

Its my job-- so i said to myself. It was only the 2nd day in the week. I couldn't wait till the end. The next few days was smooth flowing, and I managed to handle a pension thursday well too. Thank goodness for that!

I guess after tomorrow, everything will be back to normal. no more chaos.

I find myself readjusting again. Emotionally readjusting again. My Three and half years roomate/housemate moved out last weekend. Thankfully Justin was here distracting me while all the packing was done; took my mind away from the expected-lonely-thoughts. Spent my time in the city on the weekend and got home pass 12am on sunday. Which was really 'great' as i found myself really sleepy and tired the next few days in the following week. I had a so-so week at work and one of the days turned out to be the 'longest' working day ever for me. I can't believe how slow Time crawled that day!

Alright so I've gone through my first week alone in this place. Honestly i hardly have anytime to think. I see this as a chance to concentrate in what i have to do. I rearranged the things in the house...just so to make myself more comfortable. Not that I really have much furniture, just basics. I looked again... ain't much changes at all. haha

I seemed to have problems sleeping well lately. I woke up nearly every night around 4-5 am. On one of those nights i was a lil frightened; was awaken by a sound coming from the kitchen. I didn't leave my bed to investigate or anything. I couldn't get back to bed too. The next day, i got myself a broom stick!

Well, don't laugh...I had to protect myself in someways. With that, a number of my friends, collegues and my neighbour were asking if i would like another housemate. Well...for safety's sake...maybe. Otherwise..i am not sure.

Back to work again tomorrow. It feels like I live there!

After working for nearly 18 months in the countryside. I do realise some things which are quite different as to the city. Especially with older couples, when 1 dies the other will just srvive the say as how it should be. I see them walking into my pharmacy just to hand the script in one day and say they will come back the next to collect it; when they can actually collect them in 5 minutes. its understandable that ....to be continued. Have rx to do..shitz